How many of you and how many of the men you have known have stood where I stand now and have either realised their true colours and turned tail, or have marched onwards, never to be heard from again? I already know the answer - too many. But where others have failed or fallen, I will succeed. This is not by divine right. It is not by some ancient, worldly secret garnered from wizened Tibetan monks...it is because I stand not alone. There are four other brave souls who are facing this destiny with me. Four other soldiers of fortune. Four other champions of the world.
There is – in alphabetical order – Dan 'Dan he's our man if he can't do it then there’s no way that a mere mortal like you can do it’ Whiteford; Euan 'We were at the Volley playing pool, that much is trrrue' Millard; Sam 'If it's got an engine, I can drive it' Leach and Tom 'I'll say when I've ******* had enough!' Moorer...and together, we stand on the brink of destiny...of glory...of legend.
I am of course talking about our hotly anticipated trip to the motherland – Munich. I'm sure you've read about it in the press, but this is the real 'scoop' straight from the lion’s mouth:
Why are you going?
Because we are men. And men travel to (not so) faraway lands in search of life and to conquer new challenges. Look at Christopher Columbus, Sir Walter Raleigh and Dwayne Johnson – it's genetic. It's what we do.
What will you do there?
Conquer (re-read point one if this is unclear).
How will you 'conquer'?
We will eat copious amounts of traditional German food in our homage to the all-inspiring, Man vs. Food series (Man vs. Munich). We will display our sporting prowess for all to see - men, women and children will flock from far and wide to witness 5 sporting superstars spray laser after laser (this is the technical term for long range passing of a football-ball) across Munich's silky soft turf. And we will drink Munich dry. Because we are men.
What awaits you if you return?
Glory. Legacy. Immortality.
How confident are you that you will all return?
Personally? 100%.
Everyone? 50/50 – Munich has claimed many a better man than I before, and when you go full throttle, you have to be prepared to accept the potential repercussions. We’re all fully aware of what we’re getting ourselves into.
So there it is, come Thursday morning, the cry will ring out – Gentlemen, to bed! For we rise at 9:30…ish. And we will wake, we will drink, we will fly, we will drink, we will eat, we will explore, we will drink, we will eat, we will explore, we will drink, we will conquer, we will fly, and then – and only then – we will sleep.
We might return, we might not, but let me close by quoting the much-revered Hunter S. Thompson: “So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?”
Just a thought…
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